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Sunday, April 15, 2012

Death and the Light

I hope everyone had a great Easter break (if you had one). I am back in Hong kong after a lovely time spent in Beijing and Qingdao, China with my wife. 

Here is another extract from my novel, Light which is nearing completion, BTW - you can read the early part of the book here). It is fascinating how life sometimes mirrors fiction. In the book, the main charecter, Greg Marks, has two near death experiences. This extract is the second one. I wrote this on a plane flight, and just as I was writing it we hit severe turbulence. We were getting buffetted all over the place. The two guys sitting to either side of me were clearly looking a bit nervous, and I was no different, I can assure you. However I kept writing all through the turbulence, which went on for quite a long time. I had to wrestle the computer back onto the little retractable table a few times!

It was all a little bizarre, to tell the truth. I almost felt like I was writing the fate of the plane. I thus made a hurried decision to avoid all crash and burn scenarios in the storyline!

It was perfect though, for the writing about NDEs!

This part occurs close to the end of the book, when Greg feels like he has lost everything, and feels like giving up. "JOL" is for Journey of Light, the spiritual group Greg joins in the novel.



*     *     *
I drove into the late afternoon ocean, diving under giant waves, crashing, pulling me here and there. I surfaced for a moment, turning back to face the beach. The red sun was setting behind the dunes, filling the world with an eerie Armageddon crimson. It felt like the end of everything. There was no more JOL, no more Julie, no more Amanda or Paul. Everything had been ripped from me like a dying man’s final breath. And now I did not even know if anything I had learned at JOL was real. Maybe it was all bullshit. All lies that I told myself to make myself feel special.
I let go.
“Take me God, if that is what is meant to be. I floated, face down, eyes closed. A great wave crashed over me, and I was tossed and turned in the turgid waters. Moments later I surfaced, breathed deeply and then another wave came. I went under. This same pattern of events kept repeating, waves coming, me being pummeled under the waters. For the longest time. Then, miraculously, all became still, became quiet. I was floating, face up in the ocean, beyond the breakers. I could feel the current taking me out, further, to God only knew where. I did not resist.
The water was strangely warm, rapid yet strangely serene as I was carried on the rip tide. I did not open my eyes, and could see nothing from the world outside, merely sense the warm crimson glow of sunset gently massaging my eyelids. The sound of my breath echoed deep inside my ears, and somehow the sound of it was soothing, putting me into a deep state of peace as I floated out to sea.
Yet all the time my mind was illuminated by the light within, filling my skull with a radiant beauty. It began from just behind my eyes, the blue light of the third eye, then spreading till the brilliance filled my entire mind, my entire being.
I floated belly-up for an eternity, the warm water carrying my body past evening and then into night. When I finally opened my eyes I could see stars, bright diamonds scattered upon the black velvet sky.
It was night. The stars bobbed and weaved before me. I did not try to struggle against what was happening, nor even try to do anything more than relax, gently flipping my hands and feet from time to time give me balance.
I did not know whether I would live or die, nor did that concern me. My mind was completely embraced by the warmth of the ocean, and the luminance that shone inside my skull, filling me with a delicious light like I had never known. It was as if I was in the embrace of the divine mother, not in her arms but within her womb. I was whole. I was complete.
The water filled me and even as I sank into the waters I floated upward, out of my body, all the time filled with the light. It was a light I had known before, had always known, and it was bringing me home again.
The light expanded, filled me, became me. The feeling of being loved became the sense of simply being love. This was my true nature. Our true nature. I was love. Everything was love.
I became aware that the love had voice, had intelligence. It was guiding me, filling me with its wisdom.
There is no betrayal.
Yes, I remember now.
You must forgive. Forgive them all. What they do.
I saw the faces of my parents, Amanda and Paul, Dusker, Jonathan and others. I became aware of anger. My anger towards them, and it hurt. I felt it pierce the light, and although the sense of love remained, the sense of peace evaporated for a moment. The thin is, I felt not only how my anger hurt me, but how it hurt them. I felt my thoughts attacking them, eating at them, shaming them.
Forgive yourself. Without self-forgiveness there is no love, no true light.
“Yes. I understand.” My words were simple. They were simple because the understanding was immediate, and it was not with the words that I was communicating with the Light. I knew that as soon as the thought came, the knowing was delivered.
The people must learn to choose forgiveness. Without this there will be no Light on earth. There will only be the darkness of control, abuse of power and suffering.
Somewhere within my mind I nodded. There was no need to say anything, but there was a question. I knew that this was why I had experienced all that had occurred to me over the previous months. It was part of my journey. Part of my learning.
“How do we choose love and forgiveness when there is so much pain and suffering?”
“Allow the pain to arise in the moment. Turn yourself inside out. Do not resist it. To feel the love you must first allow a place for darkness. 
Suddenly a panorama opened up before me. I saw war and suffering and death and destruction. There were tanks, and fighter planes, and bombs. There were buildings and bodies and babies torn apart. There was the pain of ten thousand years of human civilisation. I could see it and feel it. The pain of it twisted within me, monstrous, like a huge black snake writing its way through my innards.
Why are you doing this? Why are you hurting me?
Relax. Do not be afraid. It is merely an alignment.
Even as the words were spoken the figure of a man appeared before me, placing his hands out, reaching into my heart. I knew him. The rustic energy, the simple face and short beard, the eyes of laser blue.
We are replacing a heart of stone with a heart of light.
The searing pain continued, piercing my heart, as if something was drilling deep into me, twisting the very fibers of my being. The pain was beyond imagining. Then there was a scream; a long, deathly scream of intense horror. My scream. I was dying. Again. But it was not just my own death that I was feeling, but the death of my father, my brother, my ancestors, my race and all of humanity.
The scream was blackness, and blackness was the scream. It seared down from my heart and into my spine, making its way downward like a spear thrust into my back.
“Why are you doing this? Please help me?”
Then it was over. The pain evaporated, and a light like a supernova exploded before me, within me. The rustic spirit with the diamond eyes smiled.
Everything changed. There were children playing. One of them ran to me. I knew that he was me. I picked him up, hugging him, feeling the joy of his simple being.
“Hello Little Greg, I love you.”
Then there were other children, boys and girls, all coming to me, as if drawn by some invisible magnet within me. I knew that they were me. Not part of me, not separate, but simply they were me. Some were happy, smiling, some shy and hurt, frightened. But each came to me, and we became me. I felt their love, and I felt my love for them.
Love them. Love them as your own.
I smiled, the radiance filling me. After the blackness of the suffering, the light felt exquisite. Complete bliss filled me.
You must go now. You must tell your story.
“How will I tell it? I do not know how.”
“You will be shown the way.”
You will be given power, but not yet.
The thought came to me to ask why.
You must wait. If you were given your power too soon, you would destroy it. You must trust the timing.
I floated, the words beyond words filling me.
“Thank you. I love you.”
Then I was diving into a deep blue sea. There were fish of every colour, coral of exquisite hues. The water was warm, the water was love. I floated, completely embraced by it.
I let go and I disappeared.

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