The Fall

Light, Chapter 24: The Fall

A short extract from the chapter can be found below. Go to www.lightmysterious.com to read the rest of Marcus' new online novel.

The exams came. I’d pretty much given up on them to be honest. For my Philosophy exam I just sat there for an hour before I began to write a rant against the “retardation of the western mind”. That took me about fifteen minutes, and after spewing that out of my system I just went cold. A dark cloud descended upon me, and I fell asleep right there in the exam room. I only awoke when I felt a hand shaking my shoulder. I looked up, unsure for a moment where I was.

“Your paper?”

Groggy, I handed it to the examiner. She looked at it, and handed it back.

“Your name?”

She was pointing to the front page. I’d forgotten to write it.

“Oh?” I took it back, picked up my pen. But for the life of me I couldn’t remember my own name. My mind was completely blank. My breath caught in my chest, and for a moment a wave of panic almost overcame me.

“Um, sorry, this pen isn’t working. Wait a moment.” I shook the pen violently, then began rummaging through my bag.

The woman went off to the front of the room. That gave me time.

So what was it? James? No, that was my bother. Paul, no he was my friend. It was, it was…

           I sat there, barely able to contain my panic. This was the end. I had gone insane, lost it, my life over. I was a man who didn’t even know who he was.

"Busted": Chapter 23 of "Light"

Chapter 23: Busted  

This is the latest chapter of my online novel, "Light" (Click to read full chapter). Here's a short extract. 

Marcus

Amanda pushed the note towards my face. I could see the words. Angela must have written them on the other side of the paper after giving me her phone number.

“So you won’t mind if I call this number then?” She started to dial.

“No!” I jumped up and lunged at the phone, missed it, and slipped on the floor. Before I knew it I was lying flat on my butt, with one mighty pissed off girlfriend standing over me. It was like a scene from Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.

“F… you!”

Before I could say another word she was laying into me with fist and foot, screaming. “Get out, you piece of shit!” She started dragging me, then kicking me towards the front door of the apartment. Amanda’s final push saw me flailing into space only to land face forward on the cold, grey concrete floor of the corridor.

“Now f.. off!” The raging hurricane slammed the door shut with a huge bang. I stood up, shaking.

“Sorry.”

I don’t know if she heard me. I doubt it, because it was spoken by the voice of a little boy.

'Light', Ch 21: Songs and Demons

To read more of the online novel, Light, click here.

Chapter 21: Songs and Demons

When I got back to my room I turned off my mobile, curled up in bed and slept for two days. This is not an exaggeration. I felt so utterly disgusted with myself that I couldn’t face the prospect of getting out of bed and looking at myself in the mirror. It was as if a great hand has inserted itself inside my chest and was pulling at some great musical string that existed there. And the tune that it was playing was self-loathing, on a droning, never-ending loop.

Of course it wasn’t all about the shame of having slept with some stray hussy from the bar just days after having started going out with Amanda. It was also the fact that sheer physical exhaustion had caught up with me. Just two weeks before I lain on Merewether Beach half dead, and I had not even stopped to let the enormity of that event sink in. I was on high-octane fast-forward and now I had completely burnt out.

As I lay there I tried my best to block everything out of my mind, but the messages just kept coming through into my dull head. On the first day, the words to one very annoying Depeche Mode song played over and over and over in my mind.

I just can’t get, I just can’t get enough, I just can’t get enough…

"Light" Ch 20: The Mistake

This is Chapter 20 of Marcus T Anthony's online novel Light. To read the rest of the novel, to date, go to http://www.lightmysterious.com/

The Mistake

She was thin, almost gaunt. She looked at me with big eyes, They were a little too hollow to be beautiful. But I could feel them inviting me in, along with the pull of her arms.

“Would you like to dance?”

“Um, yeah, why not?”

Why not? One decent reason might have been because I had a beautiful new girlfriend who was just a couple of suburbs away. But like I said, the beer was talking, not me.

We were at the far end of the dance floor away from the lights, where it was dark. I had to  force myself to keep my eyes wide, because I was having trouble focusing. That was on  account of my drunkenness. It was an effort not to slur my words.

“You’re a good dancer.”

“Me?” Giraffes on roller skates dance better than I do.

She twirled around a few times, and started dancing closer. The strange thing is that she  didn’t smile. She didn’t even look that happy. But I could see something, feel something  within her. She wanted me. And there was something good about that.

“Buy me a drink.” She said. She dragged me over to the bar like a dog on a leash.

"Light" Chapter 19: Easy

You can read all previous chapters of Light at www.lightmysterious.com .

I blame the beer. Alcohol does strange things to people. It makes you do things that you wouldn't normally think of doing. Or maybe you think about doing it, but you wouldn't actually go out there and do it. So, the beer made me do it. Then there was the moon, just in case you are thinking I actually had something to do with what happened a few hours after I sat down with Paul at the uni bar. For as the afternoon became cool evening, an almost-full moon appeared above us. It would have been quite romantic if Amanda had been there. But she wasn't. Instead I was with my mate, Paul.

It was after the third drink that Paul and I were starting to get quite pissed. Still, I managed to avoid all his questions about Amanda.

"She seems pretty hot to me, dude. How did a guy like you manage to pull it off? Tell me some more."

"Bugger off," I said. "You're just jealous."

"You got me there, bro."

"How about you tell me about your women."

"You got a couple of hours?"

"As a matter of fact, I do."

I should never have asked. Paul had a way with the women that I certainly didn't. He started out telling me about his exploits in the sixth grade. Primary school no less. By the time he got to senior high school I had enough material to write several submissions to Penthouse forum. I was beginning to feel a bit inadequate. My recent efforts were starting to look rather tame by comparison. I tried to change the topic. But Paul was on a roll, his mind fixated on one thing.

"Let's head out for a few more at Fanny's."

"Fanny's? It's Tuesday night, mate."

"Exactly! It's the last thing they'll be expecting. A couple of young studs like us on the prowl."


Don't ask me why I agreed, but not much more than an hour later we arrived. Fanny's was a popular downtown nightclub and pickup joint in Newcastle, not too far from the waterfront. Yeah, I had indeed been there a few times, and I have to say it really wasn't my kind of scene. The carpet was so sticky from all the beer that had been splashed around that if you stood in one place for too long the service staff had to bring solvent over to get your feet moving again. Some have speculated that it was in fact other unmentionable bodily fluids you could feel squelching under your shoes in that place.

The oversized bouncer at the door sized us up, and checked our IDs. After paying ten bucks each, the steroid freak plugged a stamp on our wrists. I looked down. In bright fluorescent colours it read. "Easy lover." I blinked and looked again. I had to check myself for a moment to see if I was back in my bed dreaming. But as far as I could tell I was in the real world, albeit a rather alcohol-flavoured one.

Paul and I walked into Fanny's and we were immediately met with a cacophony of bass-driven house music and the sight of young people standing around or dancing in various stages of inebriation. The air tasted so foul you could pass it off as dirty dishwashing water. It was about as clear as sink water too, and I struggled to see through the haze. Not that I was trying too hard. All I could think about was that song. Easy lover? What kind of message was I being given?

Paul tapped me on the shoulder, indicating for me to stay put, and then disappeared. I figured he'd gone off to buy a couple of beers. I certainly hoped that was what he was generously doing, because it was seven bucks a beer, and on a student income, that was a pretty penny. 

I looked around and saw a whole heap of young drunk people trying to pretend they were cool. I knew I wasn't cool, so didn't bother trying. I guess I must have looked pretty dumb standing there with my hands in my pockets. I tried hard to convince myself that I was cool on the inside.

Paul returned. I was right about the beer.

"Get this into you, mate." He yelled above the bass boom, thrusting the beer into my chest. It was Victoria Bitter. Again. He pulled me by the arm, and we went off to stand not far from the women's toilet.

"This is a great place to park your butt, dude."

"Why's that?"

"Think about it, Greg. Every chick here has to pass this point, unless she has a bladder the size of a watermelon - and just quietly that's not the kind of woman I want to hang out with. It's the perfect pickup point."

"You've got it all figured out, haven't you? However I might point out that it's quite possible we could be arrested if we stand here any longer." Paul just laughed.

Paul was quite possibly the most devious person on the planet. But for some reason I still mostly liked him. I do say 'mostly', because there was part of me that was kind of revolted by him. Just a little bit.

We stood there for a while, and Paul kept checking out the babes as they passed by, while I pretended I wasn't checking them out. When Paul made eye contact with one he'd say "Hi" or "G'day." I looked at my shoes.

"Don't just stand there like the rock of Gibraltar," Paul scolded. "You gotta say hello to 'em. Even if they don't stop to talk, later on they will remember you, and you have already half broken the ice."

"Maybe you forgot something. I already have a girlfriend."

"It doesn't matter." Paul nudged me on the shoulder and grinned. Why did I have the feeling that I was standing next to the devil?

It wasn't long before Paul was making eye contact with a couple of girls standing across the other side of the room. I tried not to look, but sure enough, they were checking us out. Suddenly Paul was pulling my arm again, leading me across the floor and towards the girls, who were standing by a tall round table with drinks on it.

One of the girls was tall and quite attractive. She looked a few years older than Paul and I. With her with her long black hair and leather jacket, she looked pretty hot. But there was something about her that scared me. The other girl was shorter and slightly overweight. She had shorter black hair and was wearing a leather jacket too, but somehow it just made her look like she was trying too hard. She wasn't the kind that would attract a lot of attention from guys at a place like Fanny's. Certainly not standing next to her smokin' hot friend.

Paul went for the sexy one like a magnet to steel, and she was onto him right away. There wasn't much I could do except turn to the shorter one.

"Hi, I'm Greg," I said.

"Really, I'm Greek too!", she said with a grin like a split watermelon.

"No, no," I shouted above the music. "I said, I'm Greg. That's my name. I'm not Greek."

The grin dropped from her face, and suddenly she was finding her fingernails a lot more

interesting than me. To be honest I was kind of glad. But Paul and the tall one were getting on

like a house on fire. They stood so close they were just about grinding their pelvises together, and kept grabbing each other's backsides. I'm pretty sure that meant they liked each other.

I was starting to wonder what the hell I was doing there. The Greek one kept fiddling with her phone and looked pissed off. I had the distinct impression that she would rather speak to an undertaker than to me. I soon turned right away from her and Paul, and scanned the room. That was when I noticed that there were two girls dancing together on the dance floor, and through the smoky air I thought I saw one of them waving a hand, gesturing for me to come over. Remembering the song "Easy lover", I grabbed my drink and stumbled towards them. Don't ask me what I was trying to do as I started dancing next to them, because I sure as hell didn't know. And if one of the girls was the easy lover, she was sure playing hard to get, because both of them just kept dancing with each other, completely ignoring me.

Suddenly someone grabbed me by the hand, and I spun round to find a rather thin girl of about eighteen dancing next to me. There wasn't much I could do as she grabbed my other hand, and before I knew it she was pulling me close. For some reason all thoughts of Amanda had vacated my mind.

Getting Lucky

After a little break I'm back into writing my online novel Light. (You can read all previous chapters on a separate website here). This chapter, number 18, is called "Getting Lucky" for a good reason. This is a family show, so all references to bodily fluids and the lower  anatomical extremities have been removed.

Marcus

Chapter 18: Getting Lucky

I don’t think either of us really planned it. Or maybe we did. Like I have been saying. The mind is deep. Sometimes we actually have an intention sitting just below the surface somewhere, but we hide it from ourselves. So I can’t say for sure that I hadn’t really been thinking about it when I looked into her eyes, and she looked into my eyes, and our lips met. Sounds romantic, doesn’t it? It would be more Australian if I had said that she soon had her tongue so far down my throat she could have tickled my toes with it.

“Wait.” She suddenly pulled back.

“What?”

“If we are going to do this then you have to be clear about something.”

“Do? Do what?”

She looked at me for a moment, as if she was checking out the label on an item at the supermarket. 

“What do you think I’m talking about?” And just like that her face changed. If I wasn’t mistaken she was pissed off. One minute she was massaging my tonsils with her olfactory equipment, next minute she was on my case. Women.

“Do what? That’s what I said, didn’t I?”

It was about then that I realised I had said probably the dumbest thing ever said in the long history of dumb things said. And the childish giggle that came out at the end of the question didn’t help much. Don’t ask me why I laughed. Maybe it was just my way to hide my nervousness. Or maybe it was because I’d actually thought she was talking about having sex. No such luck.

“I haven’t had a relationship for nearly a year. That’s what I mean.”

“A year? Wow, you work fast. It’s been five years for me.”

“Why so long? I mean you are a good looking guy and everything.”

“Thanks.”

I should have been happy about the compliment, but now it was me who was getting pissed. Why did she ask me that? Was she trying to suggest there was something wrong with me?

“Okay, it’s time to come clean. I’m not normal. I’ve been tested, and I stand more than two standard deviations outside the mean on the normal curve. So it’s an empirical fact.”

“Can you ever be serious?”

“I am being serious. It’s all true. Okay, not the part about the test. But I am a bit strange.”

Amanda put her hands over her face and let out a huge sigh.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”  I wasn’t just a clown. I was an idiot.

“Yeah, I know. I shouldn’t goof off so much. I’m sorry. It’s just my way of dealing with things.” I sat there looking at her. She was starting to sob.

Then I said it. “Yeah. I’m scared.”

Amanda’s hands dropped from her face and I was looking into her moist eyes. Somehow the contrast between the red rims and the light blueness opened a portal into her soul, and I saw for the first time that I was sitting beside a vulnerable and confused human being. One who wasn’t that different from me.

“You are the first guy I have ever met who admitted to being scared.”

I didn't know what to say to that.

“You are right.” She was looking at me, her face and hair all soft and feminine. “You aren’t normal. You are quite special.”

I just sat there blinking, staring into her eyes. I think I can honestly say that it was the first time that I had ever felt truly loved. Something inside my chest, like a great invisible waterfall opened, and we fell into each other’s arms.




There’s an episode of the 80’s nihilist comedy The Young Ones where chronic loser Rick awakens in a bed with another young woman and can’t quite believe it. Nor can he remember  how on earth he ever managed to get her there.

I mention this because when I opened my eyes the next day and saw a golden haired beauty lying beside me, there was a period of a second or so when I knew just how Rick must have felt. Who was this guy in bed with the babe? Naked, what’s more. Surely it couldn’t be me. When I then remembered what happened the night before it seemed even less real.

I mean, it wasn’t like I had been the most experienced guy on the planet prior to that day. On another parabolic curve I was undoubtedly several degrees towards the freaky extremities when it came to such things.

Not anymore.

But, what was I supposed to do next? The answer came when Amanda stirred a few minutes later and put her arm around me. We kissed again.


For days I was on a high. All I could do was think about Amanda. I texted her as often as I could. Not too much, though. I didn’t want to give her the impression that I had fallen for her or anything.

Yet there was now no doubting it. Greg Marks had a girlfriend. I had finally found someone who cared about me.


Out of the blue Paul called me. I had almost forgotten about him.

“How’s things, bro? Are the stars arranging their interstellar location to bestow upon you favorable fortunes?”

I could have been have been offended. But I was in high spirits, and I knew this was just the way Paul liked to work his words. You always knew where you stood with him.

“I never thought if it that way, mate. But now you mention it, I reckon the Heavens are indeed portending great tidings.”

“You got lucky?”

“You’re quick, I’ll give you that much.”

And there it was. Within twenty seconds of the call I had spilled the beans. A minute later he knew all about Amanda and me.

“Sounds like it’s time for a beer, dude.”



The uni bar was rather quiet. It was a Tuesday afternoon, after all. Besides Paul and I, there were just a few other students and one or two older professors there. We sat down out on the back verandah near the big gum trees. Somehow it seemed more appropriate to find a discrete location. To celebrate the occasion Paul shouted the first round, and headed off to the bar, returning with two bottles of beer. Victoria Bitter, to be precise. He had forgotten that I drank Tooheys, and probably didn't care. That was Paul.

“Congratulations, bro,” Paul raised his beer. We clinked and chugged back a few mouthfulls.

“How can you drink this shit?” I said.

“In Victoria we drink real beer. Not this girly stuff you have up here in New South Wales.”

“Yeah, right.”

“So tell me about it. Was she good?”

“That’s something you’ll never know.”

I couldn’t possibly imagine it at the time, but those were words that would come back to haunt me.

"Light", Chapter 10: The Date

Click here for a full list of chapters for Marcus T Anthony's novel "Light."

I sat at my desk at Edwards Hall, looking out the window and facing my friend, that big old gum tree. My breath was short and shallow, and my heart was beating faster than an Olympic sprinter’s at the end of 100 metres. I stared at the tree, looking for inspiration. It’s twisted branches jutted skyward eerily from behind dry eucalypt leaves. I tried to make the light come back again. I looked this way and that. Half closed my eyes. But it wasn’t there. Maybe the tree’s spirit had flown to a better place. Or maybe my eyes were just getting better.

I was looking for a miracle. Maybe a sign. Anything to help me relax.

Six pm. Only one hour till the big date with Amanda. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind. What if I messed up and said the wrong thing? What if she hated me? What if she wanted me to kiss her? Or go even further. In my mind I tried to thumb back through a dozen anatomy classes and several editions of Penthouse magazine to acquaint myself with the required knowledge. I got up and paced back and forth over the crappy green carpet, no doubt wearing it even thinner.

What was I supposed to wear? I flung open my not-opulent wardrobe and stared at the mess within. My good white shirt. The one I’d worn to the rugby awards ceremony the previous year. Nope. Too formal. I tried on the rugby jersey. No way. Looked like a bogan - an uneducated moron from the suburbs. In the end I played it safe and wore jeans and my favourite Midnight Oil T-shirt. Not very original, but at least I felt like me. I was almost out the door when I caught a whiff of my sweaty body. I quickly dabbed on some deodorant, and shuffled out into the evening.

I trudged along the poorly lighted dirt track that ran through the scattering of trees between Edwards Hall and the university. The April night was descending, and rather appropriately Venus was sitting low on the horizon. Maybe that was the good sign.

“Thanks, God.” Two seconds later I remembered that I didn’t even believe in God.

Already the late autumn air was cooling, and I suddenly realised that a T-shirt was not quite warm enough. My teeth were chattering. But that may have just been the fear talking.

Did I mention I was crapping myself?

As I trudged along I couldn’t but thinking that Amanda reminded me of someone. Who was it?

I heard the merriment from afar, getting louder with each step. The uni bar was a large homestead-style building, with an airy verandah surrounding it. It was always packed on Friday nights, which is why I always avoided the place on that particular day. As I walked up the wooden steps, hands deep in my pockets, that cold fear hit my stomach again. What was that? It was like I just knew that there was no way on this earth that Amanda would be interested in a guy like me. I mean, who would? I wanted to turn and run the other way, but for some reason my feet kept walking.

Perhaps my ambivalence explains why I walked right past her. Didn’t even see her.

“Greg!”

I spun round and it was her sitting at one of the big verandah tables all by herself. Smiling. At me.

“Oh, sorry, didn’t see you there. Forgot to bring my glasses.” I sat down at the large outdoor table, opposite her. She looked even better at night. She really was quite pretty, her long blond hair flowing back behind her shoulders.

“I didn’t know you wore glasses.”

“I don’t.” My humour was dryer than a bucket of dust left in the sun. So when she laughed, I knew we were off to a good start.

“You’re a funny guy.”

“Trust me. I’m not funny. Vladimir Putin is funnier than I am. Much funnier, actually.”

That just made her laugh more. I waved to the waiter and ordered a beer. I could tell you that I almost forgot to ask her if she wanted a drink. But that would just make me look like a complete klutz. So let’s pretend that didn’t almost happen.

“I’ll have a Sprite thanks.”

Suddenly I wondered whether I should be consuming alcohol.

“Don’t drink?”

“No. I don’t. It gives me a headache.”

“Me too. The headache I mean. But there’s that inebriated  bit before the headache sets in. That’s the fun part.”

We talked for a while, and I was genuinely surprised to find myself relaxing. I hadn’t relaxed with a female since a nurse had anesthetised me after I twisted my ankle real bad during a rugby match five years before.

It was as she was talking about her family from the North Shore of Sydney that the light started up again. At first I couldn’t quite see it, but as I relaxed with her, there it was. There was an eerie glow about her head and shoulders, as if someone had turned a light bulb on inside her head. It was all a bit freaky. But the more I tried to look at it, it would vanish. Then, as I stopped trying and relaxed again, it would return. I thought about telling her about it, but then thought better of it.

We drank, ate and chatted for a couple of hours. We talked about uni, the meditation group, about food, about just about everything. I was shocked at how at ease I felt around her. I couldn’t help but think that things looked promising. Then, at around nine she had to leave. She said she was driving back to Sydney the next morning, as she always did.

“You spend weekends with your family? I see my olds about once every six months. That’s about as much as I can handle.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s embarrassing. But my Mum is really cool.”

As she got up to leave there was an awkward moment. Should I walk her back to her car?

“Okay, see you next week,” I said.

“Sure.”

She turned, then I blurted out.

“Um, maybe we can go to the beach one afternoon after lectures. The water’s still warm. I’ve been told.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “Call me.”

“Will do.”

With that she was gone, leaving me there at the bar with my beer, and the bill. I looked around at the other students, chatting away merrily in various stages of inebriation. I suddenly felt awkward and alone, so paid the bill right away, got up and headed back along the track to Edwards Hall.

Should I have gone with her? Maybe that would have been awkward. Maybe she liked assertive guys. Or maybe she preferred quiet guys like me.

I hadn’t a clue.

Back in my room I tried studying for about thirty minutes, gave up and hit the sack. As I lay there staring at the barely visible ceiling, I saw an image of Amanda appear within my mind’s eye. As suddenly as the image appeared it changed and I found myself looking into the cold eyes of Kylie Dawson, my almost-girlfriend from high school. Suddenly I realised that it was Kylie whom Amanda reminded me of. It was the long blonde hair. In that split second as I looked into Kylie’s eyes, she uttered two words to me.

“I’m sorry.”

I suddenly felt that coldness within me. Why had Kylie pushed me away just when I thought we were beginning to get on so well? We had barely begun to date, and then one day at school as we walked between classes she had just told me flat that it was over. To say that I hadn’t seen it coming would be the understatement of the year. I went into a deep depression and could barely function. Life seemed pointless for a few months. But eventually I pulled myself out of it.

But Amanda was different. Amanda’s eyes were bright and inviting, like a sunny day at Nobby’s Beach; all blue water, inviting waves and bright sunshine.

Soon I began to feel drowsy. As I slipped towards sleep, a Split Enz song kept running through my mind.

History never repeats
I tell myself before I go to sleep
And there's a light shining in the dark
Leading me on towards a change of heart

What was it with annoying songs that kept playing through my mind every night? I was too tired to think about it.

That was when I didn’t know about the Light. I didn’t know about the messages. But that knowing was coming, for better and for worse.

Eventually I put the annoying tune out of my mind and fell asleep.